Have you ever felt niggles in your heart about what the future holds for you? Have you ever thought that even if people often say things will be fine, the level of uncertainty about the future is just too big to ignore? Maybe you worry or, worse, silently suffer anxiety from within when thinking about what’s to come for your family and yourself. Has the world of social media ever made you feel like everyone else is successful and enjoying their lives, yet you remain stagnant? Does it seem like time has passed you by and overlooked you? If any of these apply to you, my friends, you might be suffering from Chronophobia.
Chronophobia is defined as the persistent and often irrational fear of the future or the fear of passing time. Since time can be considered as a ‘specific object’, Chronophobia falls under the category of specific phobias. The word Chronophobia is derived from Greek 'chronos' meaning time and 'phobos' meaning fear.” (source: www.fearof.net)
You are not alone. Because we live in this broken world, I think security (financial, personal, relationship, etc.) is a big thing humans constantly struggle with. Two years ago, I never had any doubts about the “success” of my future. I had my dream job, lived comfortably, earned a decent amount of money, and had fairly healthy relationships with people. The fear of the future didn’t start creeping in until God challenged my heart and soul to leave my comfortable life and step into something unknown and uncertain.
Chronophobia is defined as the persistent and often irrational fear of the future or the fear of passing time. Since time can be considered as a ‘specific object’, Chronophobia falls under the category of specific phobias. The word Chronophobia is derived from Greek 'chronos' meaning time and 'phobos' meaning fear.” (source: www.fearof.net)
You are not alone. Because we live in this broken world, I think security (financial, personal, relationship, etc.) is a big thing humans constantly struggle with. Two years ago, I never had any doubts about the “success” of my future. I had my dream job, lived comfortably, earned a decent amount of money, and had fairly healthy relationships with people. The fear of the future didn’t start creeping in until God challenged my heart and soul to leave my comfortable life and step into something unknown and uncertain.
The night before I flew to South Africa in early 2015, I remember crying so hard while talking to my pastor over the phone. My heart was just full of fear and anxiety. Most people might be excited to explore another country, but I felt the exact opposite. While I was on the plane and looking out over the skyline of Johannesburg, South Africa, I cried out to God and told him, “You better show up! This better be worth it…” Because God’s thoughts are higher than ours, I didn’t realize that stepping out in faith would change the direction of my life forever.
Allow me to take time to share with you my heart on how God used these last two years of interning at Hillsong Church South Africa to impact and change my life. Here are a few heart lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life:
“Oops! I thought I knew it all?!” - God honors the humble
Growing up, we’re often wired to believe in a certain type of status quo that defines our success. Our level of education or our economic and social status are often the variables used to measure progress. When I signed up to give a year of my life to build God’s kingdom, I thought I had it all. I thought I already had the necessary skill set and knowledge and that all I’d have to do is to add more value to the program and just “wing it.” I didn’t realize that I had a strong sense of spiritual arrogance creeping into my heart.
Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11: 2 (NLT)
God taught me humility by breaking my heart for the things that break His. He placed me at the Hillsong Africa Foundation (HAF) where I served and honored the least and last of society. There, I realized that having a humble heart ushers in God’s wisdom. It was tough dealing with homeless people, vulnerable children, and various difficult situations, but the revelation of humility brought a sense of purpose and meaning into my heart.
Allow me to take time to share with you my heart on how God used these last two years of interning at Hillsong Church South Africa to impact and change my life. Here are a few heart lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life:
“Oops! I thought I knew it all?!” - God honors the humble
Growing up, we’re often wired to believe in a certain type of status quo that defines our success. Our level of education or our economic and social status are often the variables used to measure progress. When I signed up to give a year of my life to build God’s kingdom, I thought I had it all. I thought I already had the necessary skill set and knowledge and that all I’d have to do is to add more value to the program and just “wing it.” I didn’t realize that I had a strong sense of spiritual arrogance creeping into my heart.
Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11: 2 (NLT)
God taught me humility by breaking my heart for the things that break His. He placed me at the Hillsong Africa Foundation (HAF) where I served and honored the least and last of society. There, I realized that having a humble heart ushers in God’s wisdom. It was tough dealing with homeless people, vulnerable children, and various difficult situations, but the revelation of humility brought a sense of purpose and meaning into my heart.
“I’m a mess. Is that okay?”- God can use me
I used to try to fix my life when it felt so mundane and frustrating, but doing the internship with the intention of allowing God to fix me revealed all my insecurities. I discovered that I am nothing but a big mess. To be honest, I really felt bad about it, but God had to shine light in the dark areas of my life. I didn’t realize I had commitment, trust, communication, and physical insecurities that God had to point out for me to work on.
I was so quick to disqualify myself from opportunities and even blessings because of the spirit of inadequacy. However, through constant study of the Word and through doing life with fellow interns, God made me overcome these insecurities. We did Bible College on Tuesdays, and this is where I always felt convicted that God was turning my mess into a beautiful message.
“I don’t like change!” – God brings change and joy in every season
I used to try to fix my life when it felt so mundane and frustrating, but doing the internship with the intention of allowing God to fix me revealed all my insecurities. I discovered that I am nothing but a big mess. To be honest, I really felt bad about it, but God had to shine light in the dark areas of my life. I didn’t realize I had commitment, trust, communication, and physical insecurities that God had to point out for me to work on.
I was so quick to disqualify myself from opportunities and even blessings because of the spirit of inadequacy. However, through constant study of the Word and through doing life with fellow interns, God made me overcome these insecurities. We did Bible College on Tuesdays, and this is where I always felt convicted that God was turning my mess into a beautiful message.
“I don’t like change!” – God brings change and joy in every season
The transition from corporate life to ministry life is no joke. In advertising, it’s all about my image (brand), but in ministry the “I” must die. It’s the opposite of the spectrum, as they say. I never realized how serious Jesus was when he said, “Follow me…” The internship made me do things that I never thought I would do in my life. Serving in areas such as car park, reception, and logistics may seem normal and easy to some, but to me they were torture. I was uncomfortable. I realized that I didn’t like to change, but once I embraced it and understood it’s for my growth, I began to enjoy it.
“Oh no I’m broke!”- God turns brokenness into blessings
Volunteering for two years meant that I had no steady income. I had never experienced a financial drought until I entered this season. Some might say it is stupid to volunteer because of this reason, but God used this time to teach me a life lesson– the importance of being solely dependent on HIM. Through this season, I experienced and witnessed supernatural miracles from the Lord. He provided for me every step of the way. When He calls you, He will grace you.
There were times I was really “broke,” but God always showed up at the right time and at the right place. This season taught me the value of generosity and giving. This also made me appreciate the value of receiving and caused me to acknowledge that everything comes from the Lord.
One time, I was surprised that my local church in the Philippines took a special offering to support me in my mission. I had a hard time accepting the money because I didn’t want to be perceived like I was struggling or begging. I thought I was a burden. But the Lord convicted me that I was just being prideful and that I shouldn’t rob people of their obedience in blessing others. This was one of His many ways of showing me that He cares.
“Oh no I’m broke!”- God turns brokenness into blessings
Volunteering for two years meant that I had no steady income. I had never experienced a financial drought until I entered this season. Some might say it is stupid to volunteer because of this reason, but God used this time to teach me a life lesson– the importance of being solely dependent on HIM. Through this season, I experienced and witnessed supernatural miracles from the Lord. He provided for me every step of the way. When He calls you, He will grace you.
There were times I was really “broke,” but God always showed up at the right time and at the right place. This season taught me the value of generosity and giving. This also made me appreciate the value of receiving and caused me to acknowledge that everything comes from the Lord.
One time, I was surprised that my local church in the Philippines took a special offering to support me in my mission. I had a hard time accepting the money because I didn’t want to be perceived like I was struggling or begging. I thought I was a burden. But the Lord convicted me that I was just being prideful and that I shouldn’t rob people of their obedience in blessing others. This was one of His many ways of showing me that He cares.